The Ever Simple (But Not Always Easy) Egg

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. There's just been a lot going on what with mid-terms and all that.  Anyway, cooking eggs is the basis for all cusine.  When people tell me they want to start learning to cook, I say, "Eggs."  And when I'm tired of cooking, which does occaisionally happen, I reach for an egg to get back in the groove.  Okay, that was probably too much information, but believe me when I say that chicken eggs are, bar none, the most versatile ingredients on the planet.
But, first, a little information on the ovum of Gallus domesticus. The average laying hen produces an egg about every twenty-five hours for one to two years.  Her eggs are considered to be the world wide gold standard for protein, nutritionally speaking. 
When you're in the grocery store, ever wondered how old that carton of eggs is?  Look for a "day of year" number on the end of the carton.  Some other dates, such as expiration dates, may be required by state law but, to tell the truth, I never look at these anyway.  Most eggs in the United States sell quickly, and I've never seen an expired one.  I have, however, seen some improperly stored.  You absolutely HAVE to refrigerate them!  You see, an unrefrigerated egg ages in a day as much as a refrigerated egg ages in a week.  Oh, and never wash store bought eggs.  You'll remove a mineral oil coating that the processing plant applies to keep the egss fresher longer.
First off, we'll fix eggs my favorite way:  over easy.  Before we begin, though, I have a little word on cracking eggs.  Although your mother may have taught you to crack eggs on the edges of pans and bowls, I respectfully suggest that this only serves to drive small shards of shell up into the part you want to eat, carrying any germs on the shell with them.  By cracking on a flat surface like a counter or a plate, we avoid such inconvenience.  The trick is to hold the egg in your hand so that the cracking doesn't progress to smashing.  Okay, here we go.
You'll need:
Hardware:  8-inch nonstick skillet
                  a warmed plate to serve on (just drop it in hot water while you're cooking.)
Software:  1 tablespoon unsalted butter (don't you dare skimp!)
                 2 large eggs (the fresher, the better)
                 1 pinch of salt
                 1 grind black pepper (fresh)
1)  Place the skillet over low heat and add the butter.
2)  When the butter stops foaming, crack the eggs into the pan, then quickly lift the handle just enough for the eggs to pool slightly on the far side.
3)  After 10 to 15 seconds, smoothly lower the handle.  Wait another 10 seconds, then jiggle the pan just to make sure nothing's sticking.  Season with salt and pepper and cook, still over low heat, for 1 to 1 and one-half minutes.  Jiggle again and examine the white for opaqueness; when it is fully set but not hard, it's time to flip.
4)  Here comes the hard part:  Flip the eggs by pushing the pan away from you and snapping the far edge upward.  As the egg turns, try to bring the pan up to meet it, thus preventing a hard, and potentially yolk-busting, landing.
5)  Return the pan to the heat and slowly count to 10.  Reflip the egg to its original side, it'll be easier this time.  Slide onto the warmed plate and serve immediately with toast for wiping up all the goodness.

All right, that's eggs over easy.  Let's move on to a slightly harder topic:  scrambled eggs.  Now, if there's one danger to cooking eggs it's over cooking.  This stems from the nature of the proteins in eggs.  A perfectly cooked scrambled egg is like Jell-O.  You see, Jell-O  is a mesh of coagulated proteins gently holding molecules of flavored water.  A properly scrambled egg is essentially the same thing.
Now if we lieave the eggs in contact with heat too long, the proteins will coagulate so tightly that they'll squeeze out all the liquid.  If you've ever served or been served a plate of scrambled eggs in a puddle of water, that's what happened.  All that water was supposed to be in the eggs, not under them.  But don't worry, this doesn't have to happen to you.  The main thing to remember is that if your eggs are cooked in the pan, they'll be overcooked on the plate.  All right, here we go.  Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more.
You'll need:
Hardware:  a warm platter (same as before)
                  a whisk
                  a 10- to 12-inch skillet
                  a rubber or silicone spatula
Software:  3 large eggs
                1 pinch salt
                1 grind black pepper
                3 tablespoons whole milk
                1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1) Warm a plate as suggested before.
2)  Whisk the eggs, salt, pepper, and milk together until light and foamy.  Add the butter to the skillet and put it over high heat.
3)  When the butter bubbles, pour the eggs straight into the middle of the pan, which will force the butter to the edges where it's needed.  Stir slowly with a spatula.
4)  As soon as curds (big lumps) of eggs form, drop the heat to low and shift from stirring to folding the curds over on themselves while gently shaking the pan with your other hand.
5)  As soon as no more liquidous egg is running around the pan, kill the heat and gently transfer the scramble to the warmed plate.
6)  Let the eggs rest for 1 minute to finish cooking before serving.
Ta-da!  Perfect, fluffy, creamy scrambled eggs.  And, best of all, they aren't drowning in a pool of their own liquids!